colours in my world...

(sadness flies away on the wings of time)
(I am not sure about the little red house being where is it? I might move it over to the side?)

The colours in my world are changing... and I am getting quite excited by this new world my girls are finding themselves in.

And as my world is also going through a few changes, I am still feeling a lot of the things from my last post, I know it will pass and things will get better... easier. I thought it was time to make a list of things I want for myself, for my future.

• For my children to be happy and healthy.
• Buy a home in Napier in a sunny spot with rooms and spaces that I can claim as my own, that are filled with art and love (and a lovely but low stress garden).
• Have a long kitchen table for friends and family to come and share meals that are fun, alive and make me laugh so hard...
• To publish a children's book with a wonderful publisher
• and then publish another and another...
• Have many successful exhibitions with beautiful paintings that make me proud.
• Keep walking every lunch time at work and eat delicious healthy food to enable me to get into the best shape of my life.
• Surround myself with people who I love, who are emotionally supportive and love me for who I am and what I do.
• To earn a good living doing what makes me really happy.
• Earn enough money to pay off my student loan entirely, and my mortgage, and maybe a holiday home (am dreaming big here).
• Travel more.
• For inspiration to keep its grip on my life and for my dreams to continue.

Thanks again everyone for all your supportive emails and comments, you have made what I am going through a lot easier. And also thanks to all my new followers!!! WOW!

thought number 29...

I had been given the gift of good luck and I have cursed it, cursed it by being my stupid self. That was my first thought anyway. The next 27 thoughts were a little more specific... how I had actually gone about wrecking the luck of the precious four leaf clover I had found pressed in a book I'd bought at a garage sale.

Now I am not sure if there is any etiquette I should have been told after becoming the sudden owner of a four leaf clover, if there is it would have been rather helpful. Since owning the said four leaf clover my life has been turned upside down and inside out. I have been left confused, angry, scared and hurt... really hurt. Surely new four leaf clover owners shouldn't be feeling like this? Then I had thought number 28... I had found a four leaf clover pressed in a book. How long it had been there... I will never know. But I found it, like it was waiting for me, meant for me. Thought number 28 was swiftly followed by number 29... Maybe this very hard thing that has happened is something that has to happen for the good luck to start. And maybe years from now I will look back at this precise moment and say well that was lucky.

Not that I think relationships are based on luck, I know it takes a lot of hard work. A lot. But I think it must be good luck if you're able to meet and recognise a soul mate in this world.

Now don't get me wrong I don't really think my four leaf clover was behind the break up of my relationship. I guess I was trying to make light out of the confusion that is life sometimes. If I didn't do this I would be a crying mess curled up in bed for days on end, possibly even months? The most important thing now is to work together to make this an easier thing for Ben to cope with.

Someone said to me... It doesn't matter what happens to you in life it is how you deal with it that matters.

(who is the fairest of them all)

I went away on the art retreat this weekend, and what good luck the timing of that was. I was really ready for a bit of time out, switching off all the thoughts and worries that have been churning around in my mind for the last few weeks. I got lots done and meet some really lovely women... we all had such a good time.

The above painting is the start of a new series of works that came about last week after reading Tara's lovely blog about a book by Brian Andreas... I just loved his stories and one in particular had a line that stirred something in me "I am much more then a princess". I had been thinking of doing a series of very special girls, with very interesting and unusual lives. Girls who are princess like... but I had never thought of them being more then that. So the image above is the first of these in progress.

The last thing I need to say today is a big thank you to all the lovely supportive comments and emails I have had over the last few weeks. They really gave me strength and filled my heart. (I am not actually sure what happened to the original post I did on the 1st September but somehow it got deleted)?

It is the first day of Spring and my world has been turned upside down... I am feeling lost, confused, angry, sad and hurt, really hurt. I am finding it hard getting through the hours in the day, I just want to curl up in a ball and make it all go away. I know I will be alright I just need a bit of time. So I am thinking I might need to take a little time away from here, but I will be back. I still have three pendants to give away, but it wont be in celebration of my birthday mabe for something else once I get on my feet again?

Anyway will catch you all again soon

take care...

while life goes on around them...

(so much time gets lost in my mind)

I had this old piece of work given back to me during the weekend, I had entered it into an exhibition and hadn't gotten around to picking up once the exhibition had finished (as in I hadn't gotten around to it for a few years)! It's funny looking back at it now and seeing how much my work has changed and how much it hasn't in some ways too. These girls of mine still haven't got any hands and they are still just plonked in the middle of their backgrounds while life goes on around them... but that is how life is. We are each just plonked into the middle of our own lives getting on with them the best we can. I guess though, my girls have found their voices, which is something new.

I had a lovely weekend to myself... Hannah was away with her friends, Stuart and Ben went down to Palmy to spend time with his parents. So I had the whole weekend to myself. I started on Friday afternoon by getting a trim at a hair dressers... a real live hairdressers, not a do it myself job at home. It was so nice I felt very pampered and even got a free pen! I had a few catch ups with friends and did a little shopping for bits and pieces... was good. Then Sunday I meet up with some other members of Etsy based in Hawke's Bay. It was just so wonderful to talk with these like minded women, we were all so different yet we were the same. I feel this is going to be a very supportive network in the future for us all.

I think this is going to be a catch up week... I have lots of works that have little things that need doing before I can call them finished and I have 3 galleries waiting for more works, so I think a bit of a catch up is a good idea. Also I will start thinking more about what I am going to need to take to the retreat with me and what I will actually make and do there.

One other thing since my birthday is coming up on 6th September I will have a giveaway starting the week before, 1st September. There will be three winners and they will each receive a pendant.

goodies and baddies...

(Ben's beasts and creatures)

Sometime when I am doing my "art work" as Ben calls it, he likes to sit at my table and do his art work too. As he draws he talks about his creations, their names, what they eat and who is a goody and who is a baddie (he is a nice companion to make art work with). It was these little drawings that Ben happily did on the side of my desk pad with their little stories that started me thinking about adding more drawing to my own work.

(nobody can bring you happiness but yourself)

I really believe what the title of this piece says, well... I know it's true for me. Other people can make you happy to a certain extent but I think true happiness must come from your own doing, being. From experience I don't think it is good to rely on other people for your happiness... you will probably end up being disappointed. My family and friends all make me happy in their own ways and I wouldn't be the same without them, but I don't rely on it for my complete happiness, I think you have got to make some for yourself. I guess what I am saying is that sitting at my kitchen table doing my little paintings and what not is something I have found that gives me much happiness. And as I am not too good with saying what I feel, it is a good medium for me to show my thoughts and feelings.

I suddenly had an epiphany while doing this piece, something I had been thinking about for a while became clearer, something I had been wanting to try... It might just be a subtle change but will be interesting to see how it turns out. Will keep you posted.

The parcel I went to pick up from the post office on Tuesday was the giveaway I had send to Tara being returned!!! So it went nearly all the way to her and then came back again. So I am still waiting for the antique brass chains for my new pendants. But I have listed seven new collage pendants with silver chains in my etsy shop yesterday and I caught myself on the front page of etsy again thanks Risa for letting me know.

have a good weekend.

he laughs at my dreams...

(two little birdie pendants I made last night)

I will hopefully have some more pendants to list in my etsy shop tomorrow, I'm going to pick up the chains from the post office this afternoon. They didn't fit in my letter box and the posties calling card said "your letterbox was not large enough, please ensure your letterbox is large enough for the mail you receive" That made me chuckle for some reason. I will also have a selection of pendants to send to a couple of galleries around New Zealand. I can't tell you how much fun it is pottering around with these little things, it truly feeds my soul.

(he laughs at my dreams but I dream of his laughter)

I also did this one last night too... These words make me smile and are very close to my heart. I will add a few last minute details and then send it and a few others to the Little River Gallery down south.

I have been thinking of setting up a regular get together with a group of Hawke's Bay etsy sellers over the last wee while... and now we have our first "meeting" this Sunday!!! I am so looking forward to it, lately I have been feeling the need to gather people around me, form a sense of community, to replace what is missing.

Here are the shoes I won! The girls in the shop were so lovely and helpful, they were also very excited as I was their first loyalty club winner!!! I was able to choose from any of the Isabella Anselmi brand in the shop. I did find it quite hard as I am not really a girlie girl and a lot of the shoes were strappy and had heels that went on and on, which is a pity as I could really afford the extra height. Anyway it was fun and these are the ones I chose...

sadness flies away...

Two more inspire paintings I did last night... the first one is something that I tell myself every now and again, when I need to remember. All things pass in time, good and bad, this is a good reminder for me to hold tight. The second one is an old favourite of mine... and I don't really have anything else to say about this.

(sadness flies away on the wings of time)

(just remember that I'll always love you)

I have started doing a few more little drawings in the backgrounds lately, lines, words, and things, and am enjoying the process. I love doing little doodles, I remember being in a very very boring meeting earlier this year, only made slightly better by being supplied with morning tea. As I looked down at the left over crumbs on my paper plate I started doodling around them, by the end of the meeting I had created a treasure map. Unfortunately the plate was scooped up with the rest of them and put in the recycling bin... so I will never find that treasure, but I think the treasure was in the drawing of the map. A bit like lego, I always enjoyed the making of things rather then playing with the finished creations afterwards.

I won a pair of shoes!!! I joined a loyalty programe at a local shoe shop... Overland, for local readers. I got a letter and vouchers to the value of $199.90 (weird amount don't you think, why not just make it $200)? in the mail yesterday saying my name was picked out as the winner for July! Wow, so I am going after a meeting this afternoon to choose my new free shoes! I wonder if we will have afternoon tea provided in this meeting?

One of the hardest things...

(One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter)

(to the world you may just be one person to one person you may be their world)

Here is a little peek at the two new inspire paintings I started last night...

My body feels like it is being pulled in so many directions lately. I really don't know what way is up, there are so many things on in my mind... confusing things, exciting things, scary things, good things, bad things, ok things, big things, small things, etc... the list goes on.

bulls eye

(bulls eye pendant #1)

(bulls eye pendant #3)

I have called these 'bulls eye' pendants (for obvious reasons) and have added them and a selection of my new collage pendants to my etsy shop ( I even sold one as I was listing them). I have got lots of ideas for some new designs but I think I will hold off on them till I go away on the retreat.

I have also finished these three inspire pieces, I am not sure what I am going to do with them yet, whether I add them to etsy or take them to one of my galleries?

The quotes read...
1... expect good things to happen
2... words have wings so say good things
3... even if we're apart I will always be with you

I have a 'meeting' tonight with a group of my arty friends, I live for the first friday of the month, it is so good for the soul these get togethers.

I think I might have a pendant giveaway next month, as it is my birthday month... roll on spring!

My new addiction

Oh dear... The courier knocked on the door yesterday morning and handed me a parcel containing 140 bezels! I have gone a little nuts with these little things, they are so addictive to make, above are a few I have made so far!

I added the resin last night to six of them before I realised the resin was making the paper go see through so I had to seal the paper image with a varnish first. The resin will take about 2 - 3 days till it is completely dry. I decided to wear one yesterday, it wasn't finished (didn't have the resin on it just the paper collage, but it was a sunny day so I didn't think it would get ruined) and I got a few nice comments.

I showed them to the Gilded leaf picture framers where I have work for sale and she liked them and said I will have to come up with a brand name for them. Interesting idea, will think on that one. She was keen to have them in her shop so will take a few to her next week.

I have just started reading the first in the twilight series, I have seen the movie but am really enjoying the detail the book has that was missing in the movie. It is really nice to have a good book to look forward to at bedtime. It is like looking forward to seeing a good friend... I will be sad when I have finished them I am sure.

I have been writing a mental list of the things I will need while on the art retreat... I think now I might have to start writing an actual one. The thought of pottering with my own thoughts and making stuff, no dealing with teenage problems, no having to look at the new piece of fluff Ben has found (Ben likes collecting fluff). I actually have to look at it, vaguely looking in his direction and saying "oh wow" will not do. Each piece of fluff is unique in it's own right and needs individual attention. No cat meowing to be fed, no meals to be made etc... the list goes on... I can't wait!!!

I hope everyone's week is going well so far...

What I have been doing this week...

(the collaged bits haven't been glued into place yet... that will be my next job)

Here are some of my new collaged pendants I have been working on. They are set in little antiqued brass bezels and will come with a matching 1.8mm ball chain. They are so much fun to make and do... I have ordered another lot of these bezels and some silver ones also so I can try out some more ideas. Stay tuned I will post new designs in the next week and then list them in my etsy shop if anyone is interested.

(words have wings so speak good things)

Here is one of my new inspire paintings... she isn't quite finished yet, obviously missing her hat. But I just wanted to show you what I have been working on the last few days. If anyone has any favourite sayings I would be interested to hear them. I am liking these neutral tones of this piece with the brick red in her dress, I find them rather calming. I have two more of these on the go and will do a few more next week as well as get more of the collaged pendants finished and listed in my etsy shop, might be the week after it depends when the package of new bezels arrives, I only have six at the moment.

Another week has gone by so fast... we are off to see 'the grocer's son' (a French film) on Sunday afternoon and then maybe a hot chocolate at a cafe?

Hope everyone has a great weekend.

Collaged pendants

(1st collaged pendant design)

I've been thinking of doing some collaged pendants over the weekend and have only done the one above so far, but plan to do a few more. It is really interesting working on such a small scale, everything is so tinsey winsey and I don't know how many times I lost that darn fish!!! I will post a whole group of these when I get a few more done.

I am in the middle of listing some more pendants on etsy with images from my sinking series. There is a selection of different sizes and shapes.

I am so excited... in the middle of September I am going to attend my first art retreat!!! It is the first one that is being organised and I think it is a chance to get together with like minded people for the weekend and do art etc... I am beyond excited, although I am a little nervous as I wont really know anyone. I am not too good at meeting new people I can be quite shy and I think sometimes it can come across as a bit snooty or unfriendly. Oh well nothing like putting yourself in the middle of it for a whole weekend.

Below are a few more pages from my work book...

(page 17 of my workbook)

(page 18 of my workbook)

The last few days I've been sitting with thoughts about trying to be my best self. That it is ok to make mistakes, to try things that don't work out, to buy plants that end up dying etc... being our best doesn't mean we have to be perfect. As I tell myself I am ok, the moments of self doubt and the awkward feelings start to dissolve. I am ok.

red boots with green frogs

I have added two new original paintings from my sinking series and a print of each as well to my Etsy shop... also five new pendants, I am also working on some more with works that I am doing specifically to fit the pendants.

(one of the new originals in my shop)

(one of the new pendants)

Thanks for all the comments an emails regarding my last post about the little voices, so good to know I am not alone (Just as well we only hear our own otherwise it would be a very noisy place). Living this creative life is a hard road sometimes, so many people tell me I am lucky I can "draw"... that should be a Tui billboard. I think I have said this before but it really amazes me how my happiness depends on how the creative side of my world is going. The more I think about it the more I realise that it is a strong part of who I am. It has allowed a whole lot of doors to open that might not have otherwise and the joy that comes from sitting at my kitchen table making stuff is well worth the odd moments of loopyness.

Anyway... I bought some new red shoes yesterday! and I love them, they were made in Spain and have this little green label with a frog on it. I just wish I had them at the beginning of winter and not towards the end... I will post a pic next week.


Here is Ben on the evening of his 4th birthday, he was happily pooped and could hardly keep his eyes open, very ready for bed.