Sunday, June 6, 2010

here I am falling...


Over the last few days I've been thinking about my fears and I have decided that it's probably not the fear as such, it is actually the power that I am giving these fears that is the scary part...  After writing them out they don't look so bad on paper, but in my head a few of them were huge, so here they are...
  • I am scared of losing my job and what that means for me and my family financially, although one of my dreams is to be a full time artist,  I think the leap to do this is super scary and the self doubt starts to creep in... "you could never do this, you are not good enough"!!! 
  • I fear waking up and the creativeness that has flowed through me my whole life has gone, gone for good.
  • people are disappointed in me... 
  • I will never have a good idea for a children's book, I have a lot of bits and pieces of ideas but nothing substantial yet.
  • failure scares me.
 We were also asked the question "what would you do if you knew you would not fail" After listing the last fear above this really made me smile... I would do everything, I would do it all.

20 comments:

comicmummy.com said...

I think you're incredibly talented, your work is just beautiful and you CAN DO ALL THAT! I know that's easy for me to say, but really, your art speaks for itself.

I totally get the fear around the financial side, I think once you have kids it is a whole other factor, just feeling that real sense of responsibility to them, it's not just about "you" anymore.

But...that said, I always come back to the fact that I want my kids to go forth boldly into the world and pursue their passions, so I'd better start practising as I preach!

Anyway, just wanted to say I think you've got it, lady! Don't stop! x

Shawn said...

Are you serious? Not good enough? Holy cow, we need to get together and chat. Is there a middle ground or is that in the ocean??? : )

Seriously, friend, your work is amazing. AMAZING. When I took my very special original to the shop to get framed, the framer spent a half hour just talking about it. He'd never seen anything like it. Thought it was beautiful, amazing. You make it look easy but I can't imagine how you do so many.

I'm not sure you can ever lose a gift like yours as long as you stay open to the new doors that open for you.

It's good to put these fears out there, though, so that we can come out of the wood work and bop you on the head and tell you uh-uh, no way ... try another one.

And I just LOVE this sister in this one. Love. Love. Love. The flowing hair, the wistful look in her eyes ... just beautiful.

Cheers. Quit that job! Quit that job! Quit that job! : )

comicmummy.com said...

PS The new code doesn't seem to work either...agh! Let me know once it's sorted and I'll pop the new one on my site - I'll leave your pic up there in the meantime anyway though, love it! I'm a tech pleb otherwise I would try to help you, am just muddling my way through! :)Good luck!

Nat said...

something that I just realized about fears. Seems the one thing they all have in common is that they are untruths. I mean they are all wrapped up in us assuming something about the future. So when the voice of fear speaks to us, we need to know, its a liar.

PBsArtStudio said...

Hi.. so sweet of you to stop by and your sweet comment made me smile especially coming from you, because your art is amazing!I too am taking Kelly's course and never realized that others, especially someone as talented and successful as you already are, has the same fears as me... I keep telling myself that despite my fears and one of them is to be successful, which I am far from is to soldier on and keep pushing the envelope. Like Kelly said, you don't need to quit your job just yet, just use it as a stepping stone and a means to accomplish your goals knowing full well that all your dreams can and WILL come true. I really can see you and your art realizing that licensing deal! :D Patti

honeybee said...

Katherine, I admire your art very much. It is gorgeous! And I love NZ. We visited the south island three years ago and fell in love with the raw beauty. In fact, do you recognize where I am in my profile pic? Beautiful Milford Sound!

I agree with your other commenters. Give up your day job and pursue your artistic dreams. Your work is more than good enough. It is excellent.

Rachel said...

Loving your new works here Katherine. I received your beautiful picture ("Take Time to Catch Your Breath") a week ago, she sits with me in my new Samoan life (having left NZ for a while), reminding me to be gentle with myself on this new journey, and inspiring me to adopt a gentle focused gaze on my goals. Thank you :)

I am loving your goals, and resonating with your fears, as a fellow companion on Kelly's course.

I have just found a wonderful resource which is nourishing my knowledge about the creative 'flow' - it is an audio series by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, called The Creative Fire. Its on sale at Fishpond at the moment. It is helping me with that fear of the creativity 'drying up'. I find her voice lulling and her thoughts expanding . . .

Warm Island Wishes!

Kelly said...

Oh Katherine,
I want to give you a tight hug. We do give our fears so much power, and these fears are not worthy of such.
You do not have to be scared of failure; it is not meant for you.
Hugs,
kellyT

softearthart said...

For me, I am doing what I am meant to be doing for the now,new things are streaming towards me and it is up to me to let them in. My arms are wide open and I am ready to take them in. love and light Marie

Jenny Lee Wentworth said...

Hey Katherine!

Love the hair on your new piece, she's lovely! Your new button is now a part of my blog!

♥Jenny

erin carver said...

I love that you've shared your dreams and fears here my courageous friend! You are so inspiring to me Katherine...Thank you! x

Tara said...

I think lots of us creative peeps have these fears. It's taken me a while but I have reached a point where I trust it to always be there, because it always has been. And when it goes away, I always know it'll come back. It's quite hard to let go of the fear of loss but if you focus on the flow you feel when you are in the middle of a creative burst you will generate more and more of it. Also the children's book will come together, you'll see. I'm loving the hair on this girl by the way. xxx

(That all sounded a bit serious and worthy, but couldn't think how else to put it!x)

Mel @ Wildflower said...

Hi Katherine, I think you've spoken of something we all feel/have felt at some point in our creative journey. Thank you for sharing :). And I too love this lovely girl's hair - gorgeous.

NatashaMay said...

I have the same exact fears. I think we all do. Now we just need to learn how to go through them.

I love this painting and her hair in the wind. :)

Russet said...

Hi Katherine,

I found this quote as I think about what it means being a full time artist ...

"Self doubt can be an ally. This is because it serves as an indicator of aspiration. It reflects love, love of something we dream of doing, and desire, desire to do it. If you find yourself asking yourself (and your friends) "...am I really an artist ?" chances are yu are. The conunterfeit innovator is wildly self confident. The real one is scared to death!.
Steven Pressfield from "The have of Art" page 39.

Fascinated reading how it is going with kelly Rae's course...released hair, how wonderful is that...
Annie M

Lynnstreasures said...

Hi! glad to meet u in class! thought I'd share that I've been learning about facing my fears and shedding feeling intimidated...fear truly can be something paralyzing when it takes a hold of our heart...that's why we all need this thing called community! your work is beautiful! I also want to encourage u in your pursuit of putting together a children's book. I work for a publishing company part time and my colleague there also has a publishing company that does children's books ...check it out and be inspired ok?! I'll be glad to hook u up with her! www.beachhousepublishing.com
this whole blogging thing is still so new to me....i'm excited!
love lynn

Kirsten Anderson said...

This piece takes my breath away, its your best yet.

Jenni Horne said...

Your work is captures something that I can't put my finger on, but it speaks volumes to its viewers. Continue to look for the opening doors and never allow fear to hold the key.

Julia said...

Great List...now...throw it away and dont give any energy to it!!!...Then make the opposite list and then
You know the saying?..
Believe it, and then get busy creating it!!!...

xx

Julia

Creatissimo said...

You works are beautiful and very peaceful! They can calm down anybody, you know! I've discoved your blog before our Flying lessons and am very happy to be your classmate now :). It's really great to connect even if we live far from each other. Your fears sound like my fears. For a start it's good to know we're in this together :). We can lean on each other... In Art therapy left side of the picture is the past, the right side is the positive direction, future... - look at your girl on the picture! She's on the right side, on the way to a positive future :). Keep on going! I wish you all the best.